I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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