my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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