So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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