i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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