You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
