god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
