So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
