I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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