somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
