omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
