i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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