On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
