just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize