I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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