You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
