i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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