time to smoke my breakfast
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
