I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
