take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
