When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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