Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
