why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
