I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This is my gift to your gina
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
