Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
