Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
