Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
