My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I am midnight drunk by noon
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
