I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
