I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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