i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
