You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm always down for nudity.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
