my phone needs a breathalizer
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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