Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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