He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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