i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
