He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
All the doctor said was why
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
