when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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