Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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