Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
