just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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