Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you would pick up someone in the library
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
