Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
