Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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