I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
