Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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