took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
