Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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