I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
