I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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