I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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