well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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