she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
