SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
