She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
