I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
