so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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