Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
