FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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