fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
