good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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