thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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